Has anyone ever told you that “you’re simply not good enough?” How did it feel? Statements like these are grounded in defective cognitive distortions, and they’re not helpful. Imagine telling yourself this. Allowing your inner voice to tell you that you’re not good enough for something eliminates the possibility of you getting better over time.
This simple yet potent statement undermines your potential to improve, erases the chance for personal development, and disallows a positive future. We all know that if you work hard enough, say hire a coach to help you, you will eventually catch on.
Now, consider this…
Would you ever tell some you truly care about that they’re not good enough? Would you have the guts to tell them they’re “such a loser,” or that they’re “completely alone” with the same type of malice you use when you speak to yourself this way?
No, you wouldn’t.
It’s time to be a little kinder to yourself.
Don’t even think that these statements are acceptable because they’re “practical” or “honest.” In truth, a negative inner monologue is a sign of an unhealthy intrapersonal relationship and that’s something you must address right away.
If you think the words you speak to yourself have no power or impact whatsoever, think again. The form of self-speak that you take part in and allow yourself to indulge in is going to directly impact your self-esteem and self-confidence because of its effects on your emotions.
Think about this: Negative self-talk and negative inner discussions are often the result and generally the cause of low self-esteem.
Self-esteem VS Self-confidence
Confidence and self-esteem are two different things. Self-esteem generally refers to whether you appreciate and value yourself. It usually develops and changes as a result of your life experiences and interactions with other people. On the other hand, self-confidence is your belief in yourself and your abilities.
For example, you might be confident in your ability to drive, but you lack confidence in your ability to speak publicly. However, how you allow your inner voice to relay messages to you is going to either tear down your self-esteem or build it up over time.
How to Reword Your Inner Voice
Negative self-talk is not a lost cause. You can always do something about it. The moment you realize you have an unhealthy intrapersonal relationship with yourself, take action and do the following:
✔️ Pay attention to that inner voice. We all talk to ourselves. It’s completely normal. What’s not healthy, however, is allowing that voice to tear you down. Spend some time alone working on your intrapersonal relationship and addressing your inner monologue.
✔️ Address how your inner voice and self-speak make you feel. If it makes you feel tired and worn down, then it’s time to challenge that inner voice. We, as humans, are prone to negative self-talk and all-or-nothing thinking. When you pay attention to your self-speak you get a better idea of where it’s coming from and what it’s saying.
✔️ Learn when to stop self-criticism and redress it. Your thoughts and feelings aren’t always realistic. Sometimes, they’re emotional responses to external or internal stimuli. Getting frustrated because you failed is no reason to tell yourself that you’re “not good enough, and never will be.”
✔️ Contain any damage done by negative self-speak by containing it. Don’t allow yourself to criticize certain things in your life. Build a mental wall around areas that you want to be part of your “fortress of solitude.” Sometimes, even when you catch yourself being negative about your actions, abilities, or existence, it’s still difficult to completely change the wording, verbiage, or polarity. So, when this becomes too difficult, try making it neutral. “I’m not good enough,” becomes “I need more practice at this.”
✔️ Challenge your inner critic by asking yourself where the negativity is coming from, and what it’s founded on. “I’m not good enough,” is connected to “Why do I think I’m not good enough?” or “What can I work on to help myself improve” Answer these questions and you’ll understand that “I’m not good enough” is actually just “I’m not good enough yet.”
✔️ Consider your friendships and family members. If you’re having trouble in a particular situation, try talking out your feelings with someone you care about, and who cares about you. Get their perspective and be open to it. Sometimes saying it out loud, even in an empty room, may be enough to show you how ridiculous your inner voice can be. A friend or family member can help you to understand how cruel you’re being to yourself and address your inner voice so that you can be kinder to yourself.
✔️ Finally, remember that if you wouldn’t make that comment about not being good enough, or sucking at life, to a friend or loved family member, then you shouldn’t be saying it to yourself. It needs to be challenged, addressed, and restated. You wouldn’t be unkind to your family and friends, so why not be kinder to yourself.
Listen, you’re not your enemy. You’re going to go through this life and you’ll probably encounter some people who will say bad things about you but hey, don’t do that to you. Don’t help them put you down. Instead, as early as now, master the art of rewording your inner voice from negativity to affirmations.
Let me start by saying, you’re enough. You’re beautiful. You were created to succeed. You are brilliant. You’re about to do so many great things in your life. You’re worth more than you can ever think of.
Go and be the best version of yourself.